So many billions of people in this world have been Jezebelled by a person that they loved and never knew what hit them. Their fathers, mothers, siblings, spouses and friends. They truly loved these people and instead were treated in ways that simply did not make sense. They suffered through a childhood with a father who either was never in their lives, was critical of them or abused them emotionally, physically or even sexually. They had a mother who controlled and manipulated them driving them away instead of loving them (which caused their Mother’s Day to remind them for the rest of their life just how much they were hurt instead of receiving unconditional love).
They were married to what they had hoped was their Prince Charming or Cinderella and instead were lied to, cheated on, stolen from and abused in ways that they don’t ever want to talk about as the pain was so deep. Being Jezebelled is one of the worst pains a human being can endure. When you are controlled, manipulated, and lied to by a person with a huge pride and ego and you endure the relationship for sometimes years and years receiving the same abuse over and over sometimes thousands of times, one becomes totally disillusioned that any future relationship will ever be different. So how do you get your heart back when breaking free from that person?
God gives all of us a freewill. When a person grows up with father and mother wounds, receives incest from siblings, is molested or raped then they will begin hearing the voice of the enemy strongly in their heads as the spirit of Jezebel develops in them. That voice tells them never to trust anyone and to take out all their pain on anyone they have a relationship with. Thus they ruin all their relationships and blame others instead of taking responsibility for their own actions and getting delivered from the voices they hear from demons. Deliverance can take place but the person much choose to forgive all who have hurt them, repent for what they have done to hurt others and then command the demons to go. But what should you do when that person chooses to live their lies and never admit they have the problem. They lie to counselors and say horrible things about you. It may be time to separate in order to help your own heart heal.
How do you get your heart back after sometimes experiencing some of the most extreme trauma? How do you learn to love another person again and trust that they will not hurt you the same way. First you must make sure you are delivered from any demons that have attached themselves to you. You may have picked up some of the spirits of Jezebel, Leviathan and Ahab along your lifetime that need to be expelled. Therefore you must choose to forgive all those who have hurt you. In order to do that you should ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you why those people in your life did what they did to you. He will reveal to you how they were hurt so you can separate the offending people from the demons that manifested through them. Then you must repent for whatever you did to respond to them and ask to be humbled from any prideful spirits of Leviathan. Then command the demons to go to hell and never come back.
Once you are freed from those demons, then you must allow the process of healing and restoration to occur. That process could take many months or years as you will be very gun-shy to trust anyone again and allowing your heart to be opened to trusting the next person will not try to hurt you again.
Healing your heart is a process that only time and the Holy Spirit can heal. When you have a parent (or both) who have hurt you deeply and refuse to take responsibility for their actions and words, you must pull away from them and give them to God. You can give them my book Restored to Freedom, and pray that they read it and are convicted to change and get delivered, but they have a freewill so sometimes you must give them to God completely and have nothing to do with them. Yes it is sad, but life is hard sometimes as we do not get to pick our parents.
You need to spend time alone hearing the truth from the Lord in order to heal your heart. When you give the Lord time (often times many months and years) to share the truth with you about why others hurt you so deeply, then your heart will begin to heal. If you are divorced, do not spend time talking to people from the opposite sex who will simply tell you what you want to hear in order to get you to have a self-serving relationship with them and then you repeat the same toxic relationship again.
It is a process of healing that cannot be rushed. Do not make excuses for the pain that you felt from those you should have been able to trust. Writing them a letter to confront how they hurt you is very helpful in the healing process. No you do not need to give the letter to them as they will usually not receive it. But it helps you to heal when you address all the pain that they caused you as you will usually cry a lot of tears during that process which ultimately heal your heart.
When it comes to trusting a potential new spouse, never jump into a relationship and get married in less than a year because people can cover up any demons in themselves if you don’t give them time to prove who they really are in different situations over time. You must see them on the bad days when they don’t get their way as to how they react. It is hard to trust anyone after you have had your heart broken in a prior relationship so you will often times be hurting so much that you want to have the feeling of being in love and will be blinded to see the reality of who that person could be and ignore the red flags. Trust is earned.
I know first hand what it is like to be hurt deeply by a person whom I loved like Christ. I had compassion and grace for a woman who was hurt deeply by her parents and other men who chose to leave her. Finally after 6 years of some of the most extreme abuse one could take, the Lord released me to separate and finally revealed she had the spirit of Jezebel and Leviathan at one of the most extreme cases in the world. Then she chose to have her 4th divorce. So now I must try to trust that my next wife will be healthy and healed from any traumas over her lifetime. I need to have many conversations and spend time with that person over time and realize no one is perfect and will make mistakes, but to make sure that she does not have any significant spirits of Jezebel / Leviathan still lingering. So spending time around that person and having thousands of conversations will help me trust again and allow my heart to be healed and open to loving again.
You will know when your heart is totally healed when you can envision seeing the persons who hurt you walk in the same room as you and you no longer hate them or want to hurt them. You can see them through Christ’s eyes and understand why they did not love you the way they should. Then you can move on towards a healthy relationship with someone else who must prove over time before you ever commit to a relationship with you that they are healthy and whole.
Time can heal all wounds of the heart, but you must make sure not to rush the process. When you walk in peace most of the time throughout your week, you will know that your heart was healed and you are ready for a healthy relationship.