I have ministered to thousands of people around the world who have had challenges with feeling compelled to control other people in an unhealthy way. Anytime someone feels they have to control another person in an unhealthy manner it is always based out of fear. The enemy whispers to them about various fear based thoughts to cause them to control other people who they have relationships with. Then they end up sabotaging the very relationships that they are so desperate to maintain. And it all starts when the person grows up in a family where their father or mother did not protect them or love them unconditionally.
A typical scenario is a little girl who grows up either without a father involved in her life, or a father who did not love her unconditionally and may have been critical or emotionally abusive or worse. The more pain she grew up with, the more impact that pain will have over her, causing her to control based out of fear as she did not feel protected. The enemy then starts to whisper to her when she is young, telling her that she cannot trust her daddy (because it is true). But then begins to lie to her, that she must control all her circumstances in life because every man will let her down. That she cannot trust any man. Thus when she grows up she marries a man, and does not trust his decisions in life, so overly controls him, and then eventually either he separates from her to gain peace and divorces her, or once he separates, she no longer can control him, so she divorces him.
This scenario also applies to boys who grew up with a father who did not love unconditionally and they could never live up to the high expectations that their dads placed on them. If the father was verbally and emotionally abusive (or physically or sexually) then the more pain they will also feel and the more controlling they will be to their wives.
So if you think about it, if you are truly honest with yourself, and feel compelled to make your spouse do everything you want or else you speak words to try to manipulate and coerce them to giving you your way most of the time, then what happens? Your spouse feels controlled and not free to live their life. Ultimately it causes them to pull away from you, and you do not receive the unconditional love that you have desired for a lifetime. Your spouse wants nothing to do with you as you act nice to other people in public and at church while forcing them behind closed doors to do everything you want by verbally and emotionally abusing them. And the enemy was behind it all. The voice of the enemy is so strong that you cannot stop him and you do not even perceive it. You then end up with a lifetime of broken relationships. If you are in the church, you often try to gain positions of influence to control other people. Eventually the pastor may pick up on it or other leaders, and then you are asked to leave.
So how do you resolve this problem in your life? Many counselors and those in the medical community will suggest you take some kind of medication to help you not feel as compelled to control, but those only mask the underlying spiritual issue and can lead to more side effects as spirits of pharmakeya can affect. The spirit that the person is hearing that is causing them to control others is the Jezebel spirit. Therefore the only way to get complete freedom is to command the spirit to go. Taking one’s spiritual authority that Christ has given to them and, like Jesus said, commanding the demon to go. Once the spirit is gone, the person will no longer behave out of fear and no longer have to control their spouse. Thus the strife in their marriage will be greatly reduced and they can live and love as the Lord designed. Counseling will no longer be needed because the spirit is removed. Peace returns to the person’s life and they can live in harmony with their spouse. Being restored to freedom is what it is all about.
My book Restored to Freedom has helped thousands of lives around the world to break free from controlling and manipulating behavior, living lives in deceit. So many marriages are being saved from divorce. Churches and ministries are functioning at a more pure and effective level. It is time for people to live in freedom from the enemy. It is time for peace to return.